Friday Musings

Okay, so, I saw an article/comic this week that gave me mixed feelings.

Check it out, please. It’s interesting.

the TL;DR is that women carry all the “mental load” in the family, and that men need to actively help not, not get mad and say “you should’ve asked!”

I was reminded of this comic when I was on DesignMom earlier today.

Rather than type it all out again, here’s the comment I left:

  • “I had mixed feelings when I saw the comic earlier this week.

    1) SO MANY FACTORS go into how different couples should manage the family’s work. Does one of the spouses have a chronic illness? Do both of you work outside of the home? How many kids are there? If the husband works outside of the home, how many hours is he working? Is he under any horrible deadlines?

    Articles/comics like this one can validate grumpy feelings without actually addressing the big picture in every marriage.
    YES, I hate hearing “just ask,” as much as the next wife, and there’s *definitely* something to be said for the comic’s perspective on that. However, as someone who’s married to a man with chronic pain, I have to acknowledge that I *must* do more of the work around the house in order for my husband to have the energy to do his work. Also, I’m not the one managing his “can I take this pill today? Am I about to get a migraine?… Is this pain too bad for Advil to take the edge off?” etc.

    2) If you’re a SAHM, deal with it.
    Not to sound harsh, but if the husband is the one working for $$ and you’re the one home all day with kids, you can’t be resentful for being in charge of managing groceries, doctor appointments, etc. It’s your job. You don’t get paid to do it, and that sucks majorly, but it’s still your job. You do all the crap around the house and your husband does his crap at work.

    Does that excuse hubby from helping around the house? No. it does not. Though, since he’s bearing the load of providing financially, I would still argue that the wife would need to be mindful of the fact that he, too, has been working and managing mental work the entire day and might need a break so that he can do it all again the next day.

    3) Complete equality is impossible.
    I would also argue that seeking complete equality just leads to unhappiness/fighting. Someone will always be managing more of the mental work around the house. When the kids are young, I find it inevitable that the mom will be better equipped to handle it.”

     

 

So, yeah, that pretty much summarizing how the comic made me feel.

I just really hate articles that puff women up in their outrage without taking into account all the work the man does and all the mental work he has that the wife does not.

Thoughts?

~ Lee

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2 thoughts on “Friday Musings

Add yours

  1. I saw this too, and my response seems to be waaaay off from most of the others I’ve seen. I’m a SAHM, and I definitely consider myself to be the household manager. Working moms have a different hand to deal with, absolutely. But I just can’t understand the notion that women somehow carry a heavier mental load just for being women… And the implication that it’s a MAN’S fault that we worry and stress over things like running out of mustard or folding laundry??? I just can’t get on board with that. My mental load is heavy. My husband’s mental load is *different* but equally weighty. His shoulders alone carry the burden of housing and providing basically everything for an entire family. That’s a big deal, and it’s astonishing and a little insulting to me that so many seem to brush it under the rug.

    My husband is totally capable of “managing” a home in the sense of cleaning, planning meals, organizing, etc. However, that is not his role in our particular family. He has OTHER roles that are just as significant in keeping this little boat afloat. Teamwork does not mean ALL team players do the SAME work.

    I’ve also never ever appreciated the “you should just know what I want from you” sentiment.

    Like

    1. I hate to see women getting sucked into a victimized mentality.
      My load consists of a lot of little things and a few big things, and my husband’s load consists of several very big things and a couple small things. My little things can be very overwhelming because I must get them done again and again and again, but that’s just the way of it.

      Also, women need to stop stressing out over purchasing mustard/bread/etc. If you forget to buy mustard at the store, you can get it next time.

      smh.

      Liked by 1 person

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